Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Baby Girl P - Update

First - a little catch up - I told you Monday that we found out we are having ONE baby GIRL! I only wanted to have one ultrasound originally. Well, to date, we have had 3. The first one was to determine how many babies were in there. The second was our standard "viability" ultrasound. 

At our ultrasound our tech asked if I had any caffeine that day. I had, but it made me curious why she had asked. I was on a bit of high alert since just weeks before Tommy died. Well I started to notice her heartbeat was slowing down a bit then it would pick back up. I got really anxious and after a while the tech asked another tech to come in and give me a second opinion. They both agreed that it was normal. If they had seen something in the ultrasound I wouldn't be able to leave that day without talking to a doctor. 

Well 2 or so weeks later we had our monthly midwife appointment. At the appointment the midwife told us our baby had a fetal cardiac arrhythmia and laid out a plan. The plan was for me to come in every week for 2 weeks have have her heart listened to for 1 minute and they had a fetal echocardiogram scheduled in 2 weeks. If her heart rate spiked during the check ups I would have to go immediately to the hospital for further testing.  That day at the office she passed her heart test. 

The next week we had a heart rate test and she passed with flying colors. I was feeling so confident and I wasn't worried about anything. The next week I almost told Philip not to come because I was sure everything was perfect. About 30 seconds into the test the midwife (whom I had never seen before) said "I am going to send you to the hospital" My heart dropped into my stomach and I started panicking. She said her heart rate had dipped twice in 1 minute. Once to 88 and once to 105. 

She said based on what she heard they would send me directly to triage and I would probably be admitted. After she walked out of the room to call the hospital the tears came. Philip grabbed my hand and prayed with me. After the midwife came back in she told me that the high risk doctor at the hospital didn't think I needed to go in right then, since I already had my echocardiogram scheduled for the next day. She told me I needed to remain calm. Right. An already anxiety stricken, family trauma, and first time mom - that's the makings of a cool/ calm/ collected woman. 

All night I went back and forth between calm, panic, confidence, and worst case scenarios. The next morning at 8:40 AM we had our echo. After 2.5 hours, countless questions, and "are you sure's?" our tech told me she didn't see anything wrong with her heart! She hadn't seen the arrhythmia the entire 2.5 hours she was looking directly at heart rate. I asked her if I could still see the doctor - who would ultimately sign off on the report and I would get the result a few weeks later - before we left so I could rest assured.

The doctor came in and looked at all of the scans. He asked to see a view of something a little longer than one of the scans and then he said "I have no concerns" and I said "but would you tell me if you did??"and he said "no I would just keep it to myself and hope for the best" - point taken! haha

I asked what he thought had happened the day before, why had her heart rate dipped?? Twice? And so drastically? He said "I think your baby moved away from the doppler and it sounded like it dipped"

WHHAATTT?? So, essentially, user error?? My midwife didn't know how to use the doppler and I had 20 hours of panic?? The ultrasound tech even said her heart was so picture perfect she wishes every baby she saw was that healthy!

My monthly check up is today at 2:40 - part of me is slightly worried the doctor will have something else in his report that will scare me. But overall - I am so far unimpressed with the midwives we are using. We decided to use midwives to avoid all of this over testing and unnecessary worry. I am looking into a doula, and maybe looking to move to another care taker. But for now I am rejoicing in the good news from the doctor, enjoying her ever-strengthening kicks, and marveling at her perfect face. God is good and I love this little girl with my whole heart. 

Monday, December 28, 2015

An Update of Sorts.

Well it is no secret I haven't been on this ole blog recently. I was really excited to be an active blogger again once I got pregnant. Well, that didn't happen. Being pregnant is exhausting. But here we go, yet again. I am going to be trying again to be active here. 

So I am going to update everyone on what has happened since my last post.

After my last post we had a normal monthly midwife check up. Since I popped pretty early everyone has been asking me if we are having twins. So I decided to set the record straight and ask my midwife once and for all. She checked my uterus size and her smile faded. She grabbed the doppler and listened around my stomach. She heard a distinct heartbeat on both the right and left side of my uterus. 

Obviously, like a normal person, I freaked out. The earliest we could get into an ultrasound was TWO WEEKS later! Well, that wasn't going to happen. So we found a place in our town that does ultrasound - for entertainment purposes only - and we got in 4 long hours later.

and the verdict was in: THERE'S ONLY ONE BABY! Praise the Good Lord!

 The very, very next day after we told our family the good news about the gender of our baby, we got the worst news of our lives. My precious, perfect, 18 month old nephew suddenly passed away. I think the main reason why I haven't updated this blog is because I just don't know what to say. I don't want to hash out every detail of those days for the world to see, but I can't just go on without acknowledging Tommy. I remember the day he was born I said "this is the best day of my life!" Philip reminded me that our wedding day was the best day of my life, but that day will always be in the top 5.
The long and the short of it is, Tommy had Williams Syndrome and on November 5th, 2015 he went to heaven to be with Jesus and his grandpa. Tommy forever changed me, and everyone who ever met him. He shined pure joy and brightened everyone's day. His favorite word was "hi" and he said it to EVERYONE he met. Tommy didn't know any strangers, just friends he hadn't met yet. I love that little boy, he made me an aunt, and he made me a better person.
When we told our family we were pregnant we got to up Up North to our family cottage and spend an amazing weekend together. I will always cherish that weekend, not only because we told our family about our baby but because I got SO many snuggles, Hi's, hugs, laughs, and memories with Tommy.


As much as my heartaches and I can't imagine what my life could possibly look like from here on out - I am so grateful that our precious baby is on the way. Philip and I are so excited about the future, and we are just honored and blown away that our baby has the same due date that Tommy had. And so, I will move on with this blog post as I move on each day, looking forward to the future but so glad for the memories. 

At our ultrasound we found out the gender of our baby - and we found out we are having a GIRL!! I could have bet money that we were having a boy. But the tech said "it's a little girl" my mouth dropped open, and I was speechless. "I was terrible to my mother as a teenager"  were the first words out of my mouth. Then I cried.  ha. 

I couldn't be happier about having a girl now! Our poor bank account has already seen the affects of having a girl. 
 Well, I think I am going to end this post here. Crazy news, devastating news, and good news. It's been a whirlwind but I am back on the blog - as much as I can help it!