Kona - the Under Appreciated Guard Dog.

Do you like the title of this post? Mom doesn't. She said no one made the guard dog. Typical. I am not appreciated here at all.

If I weren't here, well I'm pretty sure they'd be dead by now. 

The Dangers they face on a daily basis without so much as a glance - well it baffles me. 

In my 15 months of life I've never met such stupid people. Stupid by way of unpreparedness and safety. 

Do you know what I've protected them from today alone? 

2 cats. 

3 squirrels. 

1 stray dog. 

The vacuum beast. 

The blender. 

And it's not even 2:30!!! 

All my efforts are met with opposition. "Uh uh leave it!" "Calm down" " stop barking!" Idiots! Do they know what would happen if I let these things go free?? No. And I've tried telling them but they look at me like they don't understand. Ignorance is bliss I gues. Go on- keep putting your heads in the sand. You can't handle the truth!!!

The truth is - and don't tell them I said this - I'm not really sure what would happen if these things went unwarned. But I know enough about disease, territory takeovers, electric fires, blender accidents, and squirrels to know that it wouldn't be good. It would be bad and it has the potential to get ugly right quick. 

They can try and tame me, domestic me, and otherwise strip me of my God-given duty of protecting this fortress. But I'll tell you what - when that spawn gets here - they won't be able to thank me enough!!!

Kona - is becoming a big sister

 Hello, my non furry friends! As you all probably know, my mom is having a baby! Blah Blah Blah, yada, yada, yada! That thing is all I hear about!! The baby did this, the baby did that. What will we call it? Where will it sleep? It is getting old! I just wish they would focus on my needs more, again. What do I want to eat? Where do I sleep?

Speaking of sleep, this human child is already getting in the way of my happiness. I love sleeping by my mom's stomach. OK, fine, I will admit it, I like to sleep there because I feel protective over the little thing. However, lately, mom has been using a pillow on her stomach. The pillow blocks me from my position as Guardian Of The Bump! Sometimes I take matters into my own paws and burrow my way between the disgraceful pillow and my human.

Mom has been really tired lately. We used to play for hours. Now I have to bark at her to get her to notice I am even in the room. 

 My favorite times with my mom are when she comes home from lunch. I climb up on her lap and we just chill for about 15 minutes. I really love these times. Even though my mom's lap is slowly disappearing. I've been trying to come up with a nice way to tell my mom that she is really packing on the pounds. Everything is going right to get gut, and that is my space!

 Mom promises me, and sometimes almost cries when we talk about it, that she will still love me. She said love is meant to be multiplied not divided. I told her she needs to stop watching Sister Wives and take me for a D A M N walk!!

 The best part is, Mom goes to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 and dad and I stay up late together! Some Daddy-Daughter bonding time. We play tug of war, PS4, and I clean out his ears sometimes. I'll admit, Mom growing me a person isn't all that bad! As long as they remember their first love and priority, me. No matter how cute that naked alien thing ends up being. And they such better teach it who is the real boss in this house and how to play catch!!!

Thanks for reading! I am working on being more consistent. BUT lets be honest my life is boring!

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Kona's First Fourth of July

Last time I talked to you it was the 4th of July. I want to tell you a story about the day before the 4th. We went for a walk around the neighborhood, and all of a sudden WE WERE UNDER FIRE! I instantly froze to assess where the shots were coming from. With the tall trees surrounding us it was nearly impossible. It seemed to be coming at us from every angle. With every explosion of terror I ran faster and faster. Mom and Dad were in shock and just began laughing. I knew it was up to me to get the family to safety. 

After what seemed like a lifetime, I got my bearings and pointed us in the direction of our barracks. Mother and Father could not keep up with me in their delusional state. My paws dug deeper and deeper into the pavement, my eyes fixed on the horizon, I knew I had to get to headquarters, and I knew I would - it was my only option.

There seemed to be a cease fire, The Lord had heard my cries, I assessed Mom and Dad's state, took a short bathroom break and caught my breath. Then the attack continued again at full force. Mother and Father went in a deeper state of shock. I knew the situation was getting more dire by the second, I looked up and saw we were still 4 houses away from the barracks, normally a 10 minute leisurely stroll when you account smelling each mailbox post, 2 pee breaks, and bird watching. But not today, dang it, this day was about survivin'! 

As we rounded the corner into our driveway, oh blessed sanctuary, I begin to panic, I began to call out to mom to open the garge doors. She could not get the code to work, and I cursed god for not giving me opposable thumbs! 

At long last we made it into safety. I ran inside and collapsed in exhaustion. Mother and Father continued life as usual, completely unaware that I had just saved their very lives. Though, in retrospect, it is a blessing that they don't remember the terror that surrounded them. It has made me a better dog but they haven't been hardened by the streets, their sunny disposition remains. 

Ok, I am working really hard to get more posts out to you guys. I have been working on this one everyday since the last post. Man, those typing lessons are not paying off at all, I am still typing at a one word/day pace. I might have mom transpose my posts from here on out.

Until next time, 

Update on Kona's Life!

Hey Ya'll! Sorry it's been for, like, ever since I last posted! HAPPY CINCO DE JULY!!!! (Editor's note: she means 4th of July, we just started learning Holiday's in our homeschool lessons and she's getting them confused)

To say life has been busy would be a gross understatement! I've been trying to adjust to life being a Piasecki - Letz be real you guyz, it's had it's ups and downs!

Mom thought I preferred Dad over her. I am going to be completely honest with you, I did. Every time I peed or pooped in the comfort of my own home she would shove my face in it! Don't want me to hate you woman? Don't put my face in my excrement! Anyway, we're moving past that.

I also met my cousins Diego and Hero. Diego is a hoot, we got along seriously great. Hero is not a huge fan of me so that didn't go that well. Still a highlight worth mentioning though. My human cousin Tommy let me lick him - even inside his mouth. So we're pretty much best cousins fa lyfe.

Oh, wait, I have a story - first - have you ever heard of a dishwasher?? Yeah, I hadn't either. Apparently you're supposed to put your dog bowl in it as a sacrifice. My first few weeks here I didn't know that so I never offered it anything and it tried to kill me! I am not even being dramatic. 

Ya know how when you get something really, really good to eat and you bury it somewhere in the house so you can come back and enjoy it later? Ok, well I do this all.the.time. my parents think it's the cutest. I say "this is just practical and a lot of work! Hello, I don't have opposable thumbs and I am making something disappear! It's basically magic - stop recording me!"

One time I actually made something disappear! I put a chew stick behind a pillow in the guest room and it literally vanished (editor's note: I moved it) I check that spot every day but it's gone. I have some sort of magical powers!

 Remember in my last post when I said I got really car sick? Well I am 14/15 on my last 15 car rides! As long as I look out the window and my mom has me in a death grip I am fine! I just like the security of knowing why something is happening. Sometimes I perch myself on my mom's shoulder so I can see everything. What I don't like is when I can see people outside playing and I can't get to them! I cry and paw at the window. I try not to do this because Mom Always sings to me!

"I wanna be where the people are

I wanna see, wanna see them dancing

Up where they walk, up where they run

Up where they stay all day in the sun

Wandering free

Wish I could be, part of that world"

Except she only knows a few words here and there and we really should leave the singing up the one person in this house who gets paid to sing! 

I've learned a few tricks! Like pooping as close to my parents as possible and trying to not get caught. I am really good at this game! I think mom likes it because she calls me Poodini but  Dad HATES it. I haven't played it in a week though! I also can sit, dance, and praise Jesus! Mom tries to get me to pray a prayer with her so she will see me in Heaven. But I keep telling her I am not ready. I need to make this step on my own. Then she cries. Women. Ammiright? 

 Yesterday I went to Grandma and Grandpa Piasecki's house. Went out on a boat, hung out with some bitches, (editor's note: we're trying to break her of this habit but she's adopted and we don't want her to think we are trying to change her. And it is accurate - they were only female dogs at the beach) got in a fight, tried swimming, and discovered how to dig in the dirt,  and played rock soccer!

My Aunt Torii was jumping off the dock and everyone was acting like it was such a huge deal. Here's the best action shot they could get of her.

 Ready for mine?

 LOOK AT MY HOPS!

I have successfully chewed though 2 harnesses so my parents got me a straight jacket. Whatever I am Poodini just give me a few weeks and I'll bust outta that thing too!

Alright I got to go - It's the THIRD OF SEPTEMBER and I have some exploring to do! It's supposed to be hot today so Mom and Dad are getting me a Starbucks! I loove Frappechinos - LOL I am such a basic female dog! Alright, Happy Christmas!

Meet Kona Coffee Piasecki!

Hi Everyone my name is Kona Coffee Piasecki! I am new here on this blog, and really new at being a Piasecki. My mom says I can take over her blog every once in a while. She said she can't believe she is one of "those people" already. 

So here is the story all about how I became Kona Coffee Piasecki.

I was born ruffly (pun, intended) 7 months ago, mom is still waiting on my vet paperwork from my first mom to know my exact birthday. Side note, I am grateful for my first mom and everything but we don't really talk about her much because Mom wants me to know that I am home now. So I was born in the fall and got taken to my new home. I was named Fern, and since I still don't answer to that I clearly was not a fan. I was given a few weird toys, a leash, and a harness. The details are foggy though. They say I was potty trained but I forget if I really was because pooping on mom's stuff is so much fun! Anyways my first mom worked too much and I was in my crate all. the. time. so she gave me back.

Then, as fate would have it, my Grandma Laurie was at work and a co-worker said she had a dog that was free! Grandma Laurie knew mom and dad wanted a little dog so she called them right away! Mom and dad only talked about it for 30 seconds before they realized they wanted me! Grandma Laurie took me home with her from work...and well...cars make me a little nervous...so I puked on her! Sorry, Grandma Laurie!

When I got to her house my mom and dad came over! They started calling me Kona and I instantly knew that was the name for me! I liked them right away and sat right down in mom's lap. My Aunt Torii is a giant Golden Retriever, we got along just fine except, bitch kept eating my kibble! (Don't worry I can say that word because I am one, and it isn't offensive) 

Mom and Dad scooped me up and took me home! I didn't get nervous and puke or anything! Mom and Dad were instantly smitten! Dad went to band practice and I explored every inch of my new house. I didn't have any accidents. For my first night as a Piasecki; I slept in mom and dad's bed. Slept is used very loosely because I was just so excited I couldn't sleep! I kept kissing (editor's note: licking) them ALL NIGHT LONG! I was just so grateful to have two loving parents! 

Then mom woke up and got ready for work. Her blow dryer is kinda horrifying so I steered clear of that machine because I am pretty sure it could blow me all the way to Oz!!

They left me at home when they went to go get bacon, or something, I did fineon my own. Took a nap, drank some water. When they came home from lunch we feasted as a family! Let's fast forward to 5:00 when mom came home, shall we?

Mom wanted to buy me some new stuff! On the way to Petsmart I did great! When we parked outside I just got so excited I puked on mom a little. Luckily she forgave me. At the store we had dad wrapped around our little paw! We got a new harness, it is So. cute! A new collar (which by the way feels like a death trap - more on that later) a new shirt (we fought hard for that one), a bed, some treats, more food - it's more size appropriate for me - and a leash so I can roam the back yard! Well on the way home mom could tell the excitement was a little overwhelming. I was heaving and she threw my face in an empty coffee cup! I puked some nastiness in there! Then I puked a huge pile...pretty sure it was bigger than my whole body...right on the car seat and mom's leg! She really took it like a champ, though! Dad and I thought she would toss her kibble, but she did great! She is taking to motherhood quite well! 

That night I met my new friend Camo! He came over and got a liittle too friendly. Dad said he tried to take my innocence. He learned his lesson quick and we are basically BFFs now! Well mom and dad put that death trap of a collar on me, it was kinda cute..but.. I hated it! When we went outside I basically tried to break my own neck. So when we came inside and they still didn't take it off - I pooped on Mom's floor! Then I pooped in the kitchen! Then I peed on both of her rugs! Then they got the memo and took that thing off! 

Oh, and then I got super pumped about life and wanted to take a selfie with Camo, I grabbed Mom's camera and it flew off the coffee table. Dad wasn't happy - he says I am too young to use it and too lacking in opposable thumbs to ever operate it. 

Camo, me and our humans settled Catan and then watched some baseball. It was pretty fun and a great first date for me and Camo. Mom says it's the Duggar way to always have chaperones. 

Last night they stuck me in my crate on the other side of the room from them and I cried and cried. Dad moved me over to the side of the bed and assured me they weren't leaving me. After that I slept like a champ!! 

I am doing really well now - I did poop on the couch this morning but we are looking past that! 

Thanks for reading my first blog post! I am still learning my voice as a writer, and as a dog. Someone suggested I have a hispanic accent because I am part chihuahua...I said that's racist! I am American!! Anyways it's a process and I am glad you're here! I'm going to go chew on my chew stick now! xoxo