Molly is 1 Month Old!

Molly is 1 month old! I'd like to sit here and say "it went by so fast!" But, it didn't. It feels like months, not just one. Philip and I are agree - it feels like I was in labor last year. We're both exhausted. We knew it was going to be hard, we knew we would be up at all hours of the night. But no one can prepare you for it. You can't be prepared. 

Parenthood is hard. These 4 weeks have been long and tiring. We have given and given to this tiny little human and she has sucked (literally) everything out of us. I have come to the end of myself many, many times. I have cried in the middle of night because I have been so tired. I have cried in the middle of the night because my nipples were raw and she was hungry. I have cried in the middle of the day because she's crying and spitting up and I can't get a good burp out of her. I have cried because I dread going to bed every night because nights are long. I have felt guilty because I am not enjoying this. I have felt guilty because I have missed my old life. I have felt guilty because I do not want to feed her again.  I have been mad because she spit up on me, again. I have been annoyed that I have to change her, again. I have felt guilty that I just want her to be able to hold her head up, or smile, or say DaDa! 

But then - I have cried because I have an overwhelming and crippling love for this teensy tiny human. I have stared at her face and begged God not to let her grow up. I have kissed her tiiiny little cheeks over and over because I just love her so much I could eat her up. I have kissed her head and inhaled that baby smell in the middle of the night and my heart swells. 

So I'll be honest - this newborn phase is hard. It is not enjoyable, she gives almost nothing back. But there is something so special and cool about knowing that I can give her comfort that no one else can. Philip and I are keeping her alive, we are being parents. And it is awesome. 

 So, Molly, if you ever read this, know that we love you more than we ever thought possible. Know that the first month of your life felt like years, but I am sure we will look back and think it flew by. Know that you made us parents and we will always be grateful for that. You have stretched us in ways that we never thought possible. You have already increased our dependence on the Lord an exponential amount.  We are stronger as couple because of you, we are better people because of you.

 We love watching you grow and learn! This month we saw you:
- Notice the nightlight on the ceiling for the first time.
- See us
-Smile
- yawn and stretch in the cutest, possible way